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Next: Flight-Sim: A!-10! Attack! life insurance
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External
Since: Jul 07, 2003
Posts: 60
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(Msg. 1) Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2003 4:13 am
Post subject: Quantas humor
Archived from groups: comp>sys>mac>games>flight-sim (more info?)
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(forwarded from elsewhere, an oldie but a goodie)
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and
correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of
the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe
sheets before the next flight.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems
as submitted by Quantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had
an
accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget. |
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External
Since: Jun 23, 2003
Posts: 393
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(Msg. 2) Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2003 4:13 am
Post subject: Re: Quantas humor [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)
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in article 20030822211324.06755.00001453.TakeThisOut@mb-m03.aol.com, MSu1049321 at
msu1049321.TakeThisOut@aol.com wrote on 8/22/03 6:13 PM:
> (forwarded from elsewhere, an oldie but a goodie)
Yeah, this is an oldie alright, but this is the first time I ever saw it
attributed to Qantas. USAF usually gets credit, but I have no idea where it
got started.
Michael<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ --> |
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External
Since: Jun 23, 2003
Posts: 151
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(Msg. 3) Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2003 8:06 am
Post subject: Re: Quantas humor [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)
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Michael Emrys wrote:
> in article 20030822211324.06755.00001453.DeleteThis@mb-m03.aol.com, MSu1049321 at
> msu1049321.DeleteThis@aol.com wrote on 8/22/03 6:13 PM:
>
>
>>(forwarded from elsewhere, an oldie but a goodie)
>
>
> Yeah, this is an oldie alright, but this is the first time I ever saw it
> attributed to Qantas. USAF usually gets credit, but I have no idea where it
> got started.
>
> Michael
>
Here's a real live one...
When I was working at GE, a report came across my desk of an in-flight
shut down of an engine on a Lufthansa 747. Symptoms: loud banging
noises observed from the suspect inboard engine; crew shuts engine down
as a precaution.
Later in the flight, the crew decides to restart the engine...at which
point the engine starts and indicates nominal operation. They continue
on for some time...banging is again heard, the engine is again shut
down; this time for the remainder of the flight.
Turns out, there were a couple of cages of gorillas in the cargo hold.
The airconditioning was what was actually acting up, and as the gorillas
got cold they started banging around in the cages.
GE decided NOT to score the event as an inflight shutdown...
--
- Rufus<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ --> >> Stay informed about: Quantas humor |
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External
Since: Jun 23, 2003
Posts: 393
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(Msg. 4) Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2003 8:06 am
Post subject: Re: Quantas humor [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)
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in article SDC1b.231211$o%2.106212@sccrnsc02, Rufus at srollin2 DeleteThis @mchsi.com
wrote on 8/22/03 10:06 PM:
> Turns out, there were a couple of cages of gorillas in the cargo hold.
I take it the cargo hold is pressurized?
Michael<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ --> >> Stay informed about: Quantas humor |
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External
Since: Jun 23, 2003
Posts: 20
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(Msg. 5) Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2003 11:08 pm
Post subject: Re: Quantas humor [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)
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emrys.DeleteThis@olypen.com (Michael Emrys) wrote in
<BB6C1011.15F3E%emrys@olypen.com>:
>in article 20030822211324.06755.00001453.DeleteThis@mb-m03.aol.com, MSu1049321 at
>msu1049321@aol.com wrote on 8/22/03 6:13 PM:
>
>> (forwarded from elsewhere, an oldie but a goodie)
>
>Yeah, this is an oldie alright, but this is the first time I ever saw it
>attributed to Qantas. USAF usually gets credit, but I have no idea where
>it got started.
The list does look military (IFF, target radar)...
--
Harro de Jong<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ --> >> Stay informed about: Quantas humor |
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External
Since: Jun 23, 2003
Posts: 151
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(Msg. 6) Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2003 11:19 pm
Post subject: Re: Quantas humor [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)
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Michael Emrys wrote:
> in article SDC1b.231211$o%2.106212@sccrnsc02, Rufus at srollin2 DeleteThis @mchsi.com
> wrote on 8/22/03 10:06 PM:
>
>
>>Turns out, there were a couple of cages of gorillas in the cargo hold.
>
>
> I take it the cargo hold is pressurized?
>
> Michael
>
Yes - I never thought so either, until I got in the airframe side of
the industry and someone pointed out to me that it has to be pressurized
along with the passenger cabin for structural reasons...as well as being
able to check your pets in carriers for travel.
--
- Rufus<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ --> >> Stay informed about: Quantas humor |
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External
Since: Jun 23, 2003
Posts: 393
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(Msg. 7) Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2003 11:19 pm
Post subject: Re: Quantas humor [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)
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in article C%P1b.238123$uu5.48888@sccrnsc04, Rufus at srollin2.DeleteThis@mchsi.com
wrote on 8/23/03 1:19 PM:
> Michael Emrys wrote:
>> in article SDC1b.231211$o%2.106212@sccrnsc02, Rufus at srollin2.DeleteThis@mchsi.com
>> wrote on 8/22/03 10:06 PM:
>>
>>
>>> Turns out, there were a couple of cages of gorillas in the cargo hold.
>>
>>
>> I take it the cargo hold is pressurized?
>
> Yes - I never thought so either, until I got in the airframe side of
> the industry and someone pointed out to me that it has to be pressurized
> along with the passenger cabin for structural reasons...as well as being
> able to check your pets in carriers for travel.
AIR, when the Lockerbie disaster was being reported, it was said that the
small explosive charge was able to lead to the complete destruction of the
airplane due to the fact that once it started a structural failure in the
cargo hold, the internal pressure would do the rest.
Michael<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ --> >> Stay informed about: Quantas humor |
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External
Since: Jun 23, 2003
Posts: 151
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(Msg. 8) Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2003 3:46 am
Post subject: Re: Quantas humor [Login to view extended thread Info.]
Archived from groups: per prev. post (more info?)
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Michael Emrys wrote:
> in article C%P1b.238123$uu5.48888@sccrnsc04, Rufus at srollin2.DeleteThis@mchsi.com
> wrote on 8/23/03 1:19 PM:
>
>
>>Michael Emrys wrote:
>>
>>>in article SDC1b.231211$o%2.106212@sccrnsc02, Rufus at srollin2.DeleteThis@mchsi.com
>>>wrote on 8/22/03 10:06 PM:
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>>Turns out, there were a couple of cages of gorillas in the cargo hold.
>>>
>>>
>>>I take it the cargo hold is pressurized?
>>
>>Yes - I never thought so either, until I got in the airframe side of
>>the industry and someone pointed out to me that it has to be pressurized
>>along with the passenger cabin for structural reasons...as well as being
>>able to check your pets in carriers for travel.
>
>
> AIR, when the Lockerbie disaster was being reported, it was said that the
> small explosive charge was able to lead to the complete destruction of the
> airplane due to the fact that once it started a structural failure in the
> cargo hold, the internal pressure would do the rest.
>
> Michael
>
Yes - I could believe that. One of the measures of fatigue life on a
commercial airliner (or any pressurized aircraft) is the number of
pressurization cycles on the cabin. The whole cabin (albeit
imperceptably) expands and contracts like a balloon with each cycle and
the structure can cycle fatigue and crack...periodic inspections of the
structure at various points are required.
In the case of the Lockerbie bombing, a blast which would depressurize
the cargo hold by opening the skin would cause the main floor to buckle
downwards under the pressure in the main cabin, which would put an
exsessive torsional stress on the structure attaching the main cabin
floor to the airframe wall. The result would be oil-canning of the main
cabin structure and resultant catastropic breakup of the aircraft.
--
- Rufus<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ --> >> Stay informed about: Quantas humor |
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